16th Sept: gravy

by Vivien Chan

I arrived at the hotel with some anticipation, but equally looking forward to a shower. Once I shut the door, we just speak through the gap, communicating through a series of doorbell chimes and knocks. By the time I answer, the hotel staff have slipped away. They share little bulletins over Whatsapp, thanking me for my prompt replies with a 😊 at the end. The quarantine food is good, I’m moved by how much they’ve tried to make this time alone easier. My first meal was an interesting combination of pork medallions in onion gravy, penne pasta seasoned generously, and some steamed vegetables, some much-needed vitamins after my fried chicken decisions; only a tiny cup of ice-cold grapefruit and orange pieces on the plane gave me any solace. Dinner was a veggie Japanese curry. The first day’s mid-afternoon ‘treat’ from the hotel was a pineapple bun in a white paper bag left on the little chair outside the door, and I definitely almost cried. Throughout the journey so far and in my room, I’ve spontaneously choked up thinking ‘I’m here, I’m actually here’. Everyone is being so kind.

***

Having now had two days worth of meal though, I am noticing the richness and the emphasis on sauce - which I love by the way, it has its place, but it’s interesting how much it makes my mouth water. I didn’t think about the importance of sauce in the Cantonese palate, which explains my dad’s emphasis for rice and some semblance of sauce with every meal. Yesterday’s meals were demonstrative: Breakfast was terrific, congee, char siu bao, and siu maai, and a small pot of melon, sweet melon, and I polished the lot in one fell swoop, watching the boats in the harbour. Lunch was less to my taste, sweet and sour pork with pineapple and pepper pieces, steamed veggies (There’s two kinds, ‘East and West’ where the only difference is wood ear or cauliflower/broccoli), and rice. Even with my sweet tooth, I’ve always found sweet and sour jarring, but I admit the neon orange sauce is, however, alluring. 3pm Treat was a strawberry yoghurt, a relief for my heavily lactose-thirsty body. Dinner involved more gravy, braised ribs, so delicious, but so unfortunate that I’d been internally drowned in thick coagulated liquid in the past days. My appetite today has been subdued, I only really ate the sausages at breakfast, leaving the baked beans (sweet ketchup-y beans are my nemesis) and chicken in yet MORE gravy, to rest in the carton. I was relieved to find lunch to be roast duck and char siu, with only soya sauce runneth over.

***

And here I am alone again. A curry puff in the mid-afternoon is an airy snack, if still a bit heavy, but I made a sweet sweet coffee with two Coffee Mates for good measure. I just noticed that the tab of the box has this silly little smile, as if to say ‘just half a day left, hang in there, sweetpea’. Maybe I relish a bit of liminality from time to time, a feeling of time standing still, of being both in and out of my body at the same time. I dance around in the window to Rina Sawayama’s new album, and cry in bed in the wee hours watching rerun clips of the Girls Generation 15th Anniversary on Youtube. I watch a queer Taiwanese film alone, enjoying the space to decide. The protagonists, two teenage girls in an all-girls school, are a constant giggle, holding hands and cycling together, divided in their self-security but resilient in their love for each other. Out the window things are happening, my friends text me pictures of the meals they are having, have been wanting, think about tasting. My uncle sends me photos of the stockpile of instant ramen and frozen dim sum in the fridge, signs saying ‘I’m waiting for you, we’ll look after you’, even if all I crave right now is an orange, I’m so touched. K shares her favourite quinoa salads, J sends me her latest picnic spread of all the foods she’s wanted to try, S suggests the place we will have our gathering, just for us. We all can’t wait to eat together.

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Vivien Chan, she/they

Vivien is a design researcher, educator and occasional maker based in the UK. She is currently finishing her PhD and researching design history and material culture in Hong Kong, and East and Southeast Asia more broadly. She is otherwise found sowing seeds and making sensations.

Vivienchan.co.uk

@_vivienchan