Co-op Deja Vu

by Conor Baird

Me and Ale have boiled egg on toast. A breakfast I’ve been happy to repeat and repeat this week. Not too big, not too small. Just right.

We’re going up to Aberfeldy for Fi’s wedding weekend. Genni is driving and she asks if I want a coffee. I decline, knowing that drinking another one straight after breakfast will just exacerbate the possibility of travel sickness.

A few hours later upon arriving we are all simultaneously starving and needing to pee. We’re here to help set up for the wedding but before any work can be done, sustenance is essential. Genni and Sarah head to Co-op and bring back a classic emergency spread. Loads of bread, houmouses, cheeses, crisps, olives and salad bits. They even get salt and pepper which really brightens up the wee baguette sandwich I make. This reminds me of the later art school years where you would get this much food to share around and make multiple lunches. Just so you didn’t need to quit and have to leave, and could ultimately keep working into the night. More economical in time and money, saving on canteen trips. Not always productive but good memories nonetheless. I delight in people’s little comments on the spread - Fi says the olives are like little apples, in appearance and texture. Ale loves the cheddar cheese and Mackies ridge crisps. A brand now on his radar. Sarah thinks the focaccia is good. I proclaim my infatuation with the olive bread. I know the Co-op one so well, like an old lover’s flame brought back alight.

After some amateur floristry work, guided by the bride professional the space is now swarmed in beautiful flowers. Everyone drinks a Tennents except me and Ale, the beer haters. I hear them talk about how nice and refreshing Tennents is, and I think boke. I have to be completely out my face at an afterparty with no other drinks in sight to even remotely consider Tennents. Although I brag about a mature palette I really don’t think beer falls into this. Being so tired we would really love an espresso martini. Probably a bit hard to find in semi-rural Scotland.

Meeting Kirsty and Stu we find a local pub in Aberfeldy to have a drink and settle on staying for food too. Two Strongbows for me. Expectations are not high food wise, as is the way with most trips to UK countryside towns. Just content with pub grub in the comfort of a friendly bubble. Me and Ale share a macaroni cheese and margarita pizza. Both as standard as it gets. The mac is dripping in oil, and you guessed it, not cheesy enough. Like I said, no complaints. Happy to be here. We finish it all, to keep us full till tomorrow.

Before going back to the accommodation we pick up some drinks and bits at the Co-op. Immediately I think I’ve been in this Co-op before, the layout of the tills, the height of the ceiling, the floor, the certain shine of the fridges glinting. Deja vu? A glitch in the Matrix? Or was it the Pitlochry Co-op? Or does every Co-op in Scotland look like this? I instantly jolt from this pondering to clamber to the crisps section for the Sea Salt and Chardonnay Wine Vinegar Crisps. Out of stock. Fuck sake. They are my favourite crisps on the planet which must be included in every Co-op trip. Cool Original Doritos will have to do. We get to the wines and by now I’m really positive that I’ve been in this Co-op before. I must have, but I have no idea why and when. I give up on trying to figure it out. We buy some Aspall ciders, and drink them out of wee wine glasses back at the cottage. The cider a liquid colour of rust. The other treats are for tomorrow night, after we come back from what is set to be an emotional, drunk and knackering day full of love.

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Find Conor on substack at ‘Mud Tracks’, on instagram @lifeisthefarce, and on his website here.