J, day 5

by sinae park

Sinae (she/her) is an illustrator living in London, who does full time design work at a skin-care company and this is her food of the week. For more, visit @carrotate

Sinae also runs Fortified with Kate.

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2nd December 2023

I have brought a tin of sardine in a tomato sauce, two courgettes, four garlic in the plastic mesh in my mustard shoulder bag which also contained a big book for Tarot reading and a pack of card. 

Shoulder heavy full of stuff and my mustard ‘travel’ shoulder bag that’s very cushiony feels like it’s added another extra volume of heftiness to things I have to carry home with me. 

J and I had planned to go for a walk in Clissold park then cook something nice for our Friday evening via Morison’s. Although, it didn’t take us long to realise we had completely dismissed that London parks have a closure time. It was already very-very dark and suppose, London parks don’t need any more tales of ‘Oh, you heard of what happened in that park near ours late last night?’

Upon realisation, we are happily heading to Morison’s. 
A yellow note that we carried from J’s tucked in my pocket and he wants to summon it up and refresh what he’d written. It says, 

Spinach

Chickpeas (tin)

Anchovies (tin)

Tomatoes

Red wine

Orange

Misc. fun dessert.

You are given a task of finding the misc. fun dessert.

I agree to this without knowing what misc stands for to which I ask J,
by the way, what is Misc?

Oh, miscellaneous.

Ah, I’ve been wondering but didn’t ask but managed to get it out in the end. Cool.

A pack of tiramisu (contains 2) is chosen for the misc. fun dessert and I think I was influenced by our earlier conversation as we walk towards the park. We passed II Bacio Express with its awning in Klein Blue. 

Look, that place is my favourite place in Stoke Newington.

Oh, yeah?

They have beautiful pasta, wine and tiramisu.

Lovely. Can we go there sometime — like, next week?

J agrees and it seems like our Morison’s bought tiramisu will be an alternative to II Bacio Express’s beautiful tiramisu until next week comes around.

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I walk into my kitchen as the timer goes off. Upon coming back from J, I put the rice to boil - simmer then started journaling while my rice was doing its work by itself. Enduring the hot steam, cooking itself a pan full of rice, white, lightly salted. Both of us are trying to reach to our potential under the time restraint. Both boiling and simmering, hopefully producing something that feels tangible and meaningful.

Put the pen down, I am getting two cloves of garlic off the net, smash, chop then throw in to the pan with olive oil. Sprinkle of salt and paprika then dicing a whole courgette. Three forkful of kimchi I had brought on my way from Wellcome collection with J, can go into the pan now. 

In the background, Xiaolu Guo is talking to Octavia Bright and Carrie Plitt on Literary Friction about how life feels like a balancing act between artistic living presence and displacement and loneliness from wanting to make art, write, artfully living. 

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J and I had cooked three meals together over 1.5 days. Pasta dinner, crumpet and coffee breakfast and porched egg with sautee spinach on olive bread with some cheeses.

I think about how both of us spend a fair amount of time thinking about making work, reading and mapping out ways of connecting life and art come together learn about each other by physically being with one another. Both of us are being present and we are aware of this.

And how cooking comes into this. Does cooking release? While our hands are busying themselves chopping, blitzing and squeezing, focusing on the desire for things that cut through the dullness. Perhaps a whole lemon? Loads of pepper, some olive oil. Do I do the appetiser with the avocado? Go on then.

Cooking together makes room for getting to know J through my hand cutting up an avocado, to make the appetiser for us that would be eaten up, both standing next to each other, me fumbling around his kitchen while he is doing the meal, hoping what I find lovely and pleasing to my tongue would do something similar to his.

Do you want some of this. I bring an olive bread with avocado on towards his mouth. His hand searches for balsamic vinegar and some mozzarella to add up and drizzle up. Oh, I forgot we’d bought mozzarella. Yes, it was in the list (I completely forgotten about that again as I was writing the list above.)

Is the displacement that Guo talks about — to make an artful living only accompanies when one is solitary? Does it require one to have hunger for spending time, cooking, eating, writing on their own to make art and write as oppose to spending time with one another, fully present in each other’s company? 

Where does the pleasing boundary of the balancing of the displacement and artful living fall? When does one decide the threshold for one over another?

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While J is cooking the meal, I volunteer to make mulled wine. 

Do you want me to make mulled wine? I suggest after having stood up besides him for a while watching the meal being built up. Layers of flavours and a few teaspoons of J sampling the paste and the base.

Lots of, more of, Mmmmm. 

Is that good? Do you have another pan for mulled wine? 

Yes – look down there.

Slices of an orange, cinnamon sticks, cinnamon powder, cloves, star anise, honey, sugar and some more. 

As meals cooked up, J is doing the quick dishes, I am carrying two plates to the table in his room only to come back out to bring in a chair from the kitchen for our cosy dinner in his room.

Welcome to my small restaurant was what he had said when I first had his food in his place.

Oh, what’s today’s special? 

It is Ottolenghi’s chickpea pasta with a whole lemon, anchovies paste. 

Do you know, Ottolenghi is a man whose name starts with OTT. His recipes can be very, OTT but this one isn’t –

No, no, not at all. This one isn’t complicated to make.

Yeah, I know. Uncomplicated, tasty and fun.

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I add chickpeas into my kimchi and courgette base in the pan. More sesame oil is added in for some extra cosiness of the flavour. Bougie feeling this is. Extra sesame oil brings for my solo dinner.

In a smaller bowl, some chopped cabbage for crunch, a half lime juice with olive oil. The rice is beautifully cooked then added in of the kimchi courgette assemblage. Eaten while listening to Lau on artful living.  

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